Prisoners Volunteer for Firing Squad

Public executions bridge budget gaps

Springfield, MO – Following the introduction of House Bill 1470 by Rep. Rick Brattin, R-Harrisonville, hundreds of prisoners have volunteered to take place in firing squads if they are brought back to Missouri. In fact, an overwhelming majority of volunteers are interested in pulling the trigger to perform the executions.

“Hey man, I’d be perfect for that job,” said Freddy 3-finger-killa, “I shot three cats and was thrown in jail for it, might as well put my expertise to use while I’m incarcerated. What? Yeah, three dead cats…a tabby, a Persian and a black cat, that crossed my path for the last time.”

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States since capital punishment resumed in 1976, there have only been three executions by firing squad in the United States. Missouri aims to be the next state to institute the practice and will measure the public interest level for attending the events, as well as field research regarding appropriate single ticket prices, luxury boxes and season tickets.

“Public executions were very popular only a short time ago,” said Wild West historian Gant Petersonville, “if the state opts to go in this direction, we could be looking at a viable option to closing the budget gap for our most needy programs.”