Mom & Pop Health Food Stores Cry Foul

Local aprons in a wad

With an irony sweet as a hunk of marbled halvah, local mom and pop health food stores are accusing the multi-outlet, mega health food juggernaut, Mama Jean’s, of running them out of business.

“We just can’t compete with a store that has multiple locations, two in upscale parts of the city, that can buy in such volume that they undersell us at every turn,” said Moonbeam Crisp, owner of the recently shuttered Granola and Dream Catchers.

“I can’t order three-hundred peanut butter cookies, the size and weight of dinner plates, and sell them before they outdate, so I don’t get the bulk purchase rate,” continued Crisp. The only silver lining is that a payday loan company bought out my lease.”

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I was the first store in Springfield to carry gluten-free pretzels. You think there would be some loyalty,” mused DeKalb. Since I’m a little boy I would never have dreamed there would one day be a monopoly on the health food business.”

A Mama Jeans clerk, who asked to remain anonymous, said, when asked if we could speak with her employer,  she wasn’t sure, but heard she might be in Columbia (South America) working on a deal with a fair trade coffee bean plantation to develop a Mama Jeans line of gourmet coffees.