Traffic Cone Guy Hunts Bad Drivers

Rare sighting of TCG at MoDOT

Springfield, MO – Based off of numerous first-hand accounts, the Missouri Department of Transportation has a new ally in the fight for highway safety and it is known as Traffic Cone Guy. Several motorists have claimed that they have been stopped after an unsafe merge or careless driving by the robotic monstrosity and issued a warning or worse.

“I was driving north on 65, and kinda texting…when I looked out my window and Traffic Cone Guy was running next to my car, like really fast. I must have been going 60 miles per hour. I was so shocked I immediately hit the brakes. Once stopped Traffic Cone Guy ripped open my door and told me that texting while driving is dangerous. I’ll…I’ll never do that again while TCG is around, it was terrifying,” said Amanda Pixley, of Ozark, MO.
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Other drivers have claimed the man made of highway cones has stopped them and threatened to “stick a cone in your blacktop”, “make the rubber meet your face”, and even issued a “this is not a safety zone for you” threat. Officials at MoDOT claim to have no affiliation with Traffic Cone Guy, and won’t confirm if more than one exist.

Amateur investigators claim to have found a connection between several local entities. “We found robotics at JVIC, ample supply of cones at MoDOT and enough energy to power an army of TCGs at CU but our files were destroyed one evening and a calling card was left: a simple stress cone that said ‘Be Safe, Drive Safe’. We got the message loud and clear,” said Norman Plithery a paranormal scientist and former investigator of TCG sightings.