Archive for October, 2013
Stairway to Heaven Under Construction
Springfield, MO – Attempting to build a direct portal to the heavens, a construction crew on National south of Battlefield is continuing progress to build a ladder to the Almighty’s front door. The project is scheduled to be completed by Christmas and will attain a final height of 500 miles tall. “So, this is a […]
President Obama Weighs in on Kewpies Mascot Name
Columbia, MO – President Barack Obama says he would “think about changing” the Hickman Kewpies’ mascot name if he went to school there as he waded into the controversy involving a word many consider offensive to naked babies everywhere. Obama, in an interview with The Associated Press, said school names such as the Kewpies offend […]
Globetrotters vs. Baldknobbertrotters at Silver Dollar City
Branson, MO – After purchasing the rights to the Harlem Globetrotters, Silver Dollar City parent company HFE, is planning to build a new section of the park to feature the traveling basketball team and provide an arena for “home” games. While appearing at the Silver Dollar City Arena the team will play a stooge team […]
Chaos Reigns When Federal Hilly-Bill Reserve Loses Funding
Springfield, MO- Due to the government shut down, many federal funding projects are losing not only financial support, but many valued and skilled employees are being furloughed. Nowhere is this more damaging than the Ozark’s own Federally Funding Hilly-Bill Reserve. With no electricity to power the 5,000 volt fences or no money to pay guards armed […]
Snake Oil – October
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River of Cashew Chicken Gravy Discovered Beneath Downtown Springfield!
Springfield, MO – Culinary scientists have recently uncovered a rare and fantastic discovery running beneath the streets of downtown Springfield: a river of cashew chicken gravy! The discovery was made following a recent sinkhole collapse near South and Park Central Streets. The cavern is now opened to a depth of 30’ where a steady stream […]
