River of Cashew Chicken Gravy Discovered Beneath Downtown Springfield!

A vast river of underground cashew chicken gravy

Springfield, MO – Culinary scientists have recently uncovered a rare and fantastic discovery running beneath the streets of downtown Springfield: a river of cashew chicken gravy! The discovery was made following a recent sinkhole collapse near South and Park Central Streets. The cavern is now opened to a depth of 30’ where a steady stream of dark brown liquid is flowing beneath the city streets, ready to be mined by anyone eager enough to open another Springfield Cashew Chicken joint within the Midwest.

“This is a particularly unusual find,” said spelunker Dave DeWasily, “I’ve seen ancient rivers of water but never a river containing the exact ingredients to make a delicious chicken and rice dish. I immediately assumed it was coming from the Fantastic Caverns area because the liquid tasted…fantastic!”
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According to the Missouri Caves Association, this system of cashew chicken gravy has never been detected in North America in thousands of years. In fact, an ancient fable tells of a scrumptious stream of brownish liquid and was popularized during the 1700’s when Cortez was searching for the fountain of youth in southern Florida.

“The premise of the fountain of youth seems to align with the discovery of the new river of chicken gravy,” stated historian Paulie McFrederickson, “because while we usually think of youthful endeavors springing forth from water, we usually don’t associate the eternal pleasure of eating cashew chicken with living forever…even though it feels as if we were.”