Solar Farmers Market Hits the Ozarks

Solar-powered sweat market coming soon

Springfield, MO – Area residents are eagerly anticipating the grand opening of Missouri’s largest solar energy farm late next spring and the Solar Famers Market that it will provide. After it’s built on 40 acres in eastern Greene County, the five-megawatt project between Springfield and Strafford will be the hippest place to pick up solar-powered products.

Consumers will be able to purchase several sol-based items including, hand-churned SPF 6000 sunblock, free-range aloe soothing lotion, solar flare fried funnel cakes and Amish-made flame retardant patio furniture. “I can’t wait to get my hands on a statue of Ra made from a solar powered pottery wheel,” screamed one 5-year-old sun worshiper Anna Festibune, of Nixa, MO.
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News of the solar farmers market has already made waves within the local farming community. “We anticipate one solar farmers market in the beginning, then things will heat up and the formation of two groups will be established. Much like a solar flare jettisoning off to create a new marketplace,” said Fernando Prichard who has much experience with Ozarks farmers groups.

Opponents of the plan are scrambling to organize a lunar farmers market. “Moon power is extremely impressive. Tidal control, werewolf activation, seasonal changes…the big cheese in the sky is equally capable of contributing to our energy needs,” said Licorice BeHongal, a member of the LocoLunatics group which plans to offer a wide range of offerings including lunar lingerie – with zero gravity lifting benefits, moon pies baked by moon light, and letter pressed calendars made with moonlight presses.