With Jails Full Springfield Plans “Escape From New York”/“Hunger Games”/”Battle Royale” Solution

Nature Dome water runs red with blood

Springfield, MO- With Springfield jails overcrowded and many jailers calling it quit, Mayor Jim Morris has a drastic play in place to both relieve the overcrowded prison system and tax payers’ pockets. It is dubbed: Escape Game Royale.

Based on numerous movies the plan is simple: The Nature Center has been converted to an arena where all criminals will be placed. Once there, they will be expected to care for themselves: hunting for food via venison or human flesh, create crude shelters out of tree branches or the visitor center,  joining tribes for protection, and writing memories that will eventually be turned into a Netflix series.

“This will work out great,” said local Officer Vance Kelloge, “No fuss no muss. Speeding ticket, arena; violent assault arena, robbery arena; loitering at the mall, we will Katniss your ass.”

The idea was conceived when Mayor Morris was reading the local events and his son was watching “The Hunger Games.”
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“I thought what a great idea,” says Morris. “I didn’t really watch the movie too closely, but I really liked how the main character, President Snow, took care of all those snot-nosed brats. Of course, the idea was always in the back of the head since Escape from New York. A lot of ideas come from 80’s movies. That reminds me [Morris then took a tape recorder to record his ideas] create battalion of robo-cops to protect city. And start youth program where students from different social standings are forced to hang out together.”

The prisoners are less than thrilled with the idea.

“I was going 60 in a 50,” says Megan Walters, a mother of 3 and manager at a local restaurant, “And now I am stuck here with…oh…oh God…did you hear that? They are coming! The Raiders are coming! Hide!”

The Nature Center (now dubbed the Nature Dome) has been protested by numerous civil right groups, which is a crime, so they are routinely thrown into the Dome, which kind of solved the problem all by itself.