Mercy Adopts Royal Town Crier for New Births

Springfield, MO – Following the immensely popular arrival of the
Royal couple’s baby, a local hospital is bringing some regal flare
to birth announcements this month by providing a town crier for
each child born on the premises. According to sources, a crew of
royal criers is on hand – around the clock – to proclaim each
newborn’s name after birth. “It was really fantastic to hear my
son’s name announced…really fantastic. But hearing every baby name
screamed by a British guy got really old,” said Rachel Finfork who
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“My son has heard some much yelling he’s going to develop a cockney
accent,” said the father Winwood Finfork, “and the bell
ringing…all of the bloody bell ringing…” Other celebratory
additions to the hospital include a royal playroom, fish and chips
at the cafeteria and the addition of big floppy hats topped with
feathers in the gift shop. “Pomp and circumstance should be a part
of every new life entering this world,” said Sister Fiona Virtum,
“we are happy to provide this special experience to our new mothers
and fathers.” New families are also provided with personal
paparazzi for the first 24 hours of their return home. The new
parents who successfully shield their new child from any
photography will be rewarded with a package of hospital provided
diapers.