Meth House of the Week

Normal home receives meth rating!

Springfield, MO – Cuddled away in a nice corner of town in a secluded neighborhood, the Mettleton’s home is this month’s featured meth house of the week. Containing a toxic stew of chemicals that have saturated walls, ceilings, floors and carpets with meth, mercury, lead, iodine, lithium and poisonous solvents, this home provides hints of the 1990’s Pacific Northwest drug scene.

The interior is infused with cheap, common ingredients spewed from a two-liter pop bottle generated by waste from “cookers” who have flushed or left behind 5 to 6 pounds of poisonous trash per each pound of meth produced.
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The Mettleton’s claim that they learned of their home’s unique personality after contracting vicious and life-threatening illnesses, “I’ve never lived in a place that was so impactful upon my life,” scrawled Richard Mettleton onto a chalkboard hanging from his neck, “we’ve been devastated emotionally and financially – we didn’t expect to experience trouble breathing, lightheadedness and sores in our mouths, and neither did our house guests. We got way more than we paid for.”

Respiratory and neurological problems are only a few of the home’s unique characteristics preserved by absolutely zero comprehensive efforts to ensure meth homes have been cleaned of hazardous remnants. To entertain guests, the Mettleton’s provide bio-hazard suits, gloves and masks and recommend self-contained air systems. Additional home accoutrements include random busts of fire and explosions.