Archive for May, 2013
Prancercising Man Trampled By Horse
Springfield, MO – A local man attempting to prancercise was run down and trampled by a horse. Witnesses said the horse was horrified that any human would employ “a springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse’s gait” for exercise and immediately bolted toward the man nostrils flared, head down. “I’ve never seen […]
Southwest Flight Disappears Over White Water’s Bermuda Triangle
Branson, MO – Branson Airport authorities, in conjunction with the FAA, have confirmed that Southwest Airlines flight 989 has disappeared near the 76 strip and has most likely fallen victim to the Bermuda Triangle ride situated on the White Water property. The flight was scheduled to land at 4:56 CST, however, the tower lost communication […]
Mike McMichaelson Inspirational Speaker
Happy Birthday Springfield… As we approach the 175 year mark of our Queen City, I thought I would take these next few moments to paint a picture of the Springfield I remember and put together my own version of the Springfield’s Best. So, let’s walk back through time shall we and reflect on some of […]
Neighbor Celebrates Memorial Day with Mini Yard Cemetery
Springfield, MO – Showing patriotism the way no one else could, Shirley and Bill Yankov planted hundreds of flags in their yard to celebrate Memorial Day. But it wasn’t enough, Shirley said, and they actually went about planting dead things in their yard next to the stars and stripes stuck in the lawn. “We first […]
Cashew Chicken 3D Printer Developed
Springfield, MO – The growing demand for cashew chicken has spawned a new invention; the 3D cashew chicken printer. The new technology will be responsible for feeding thousands of patrons in the Ozarks area at local restaurants and promises to be a source of value for diners at home. “I was always a fan of […]
Hipster Couple Mistakenly Enters Actual Old Bar
Springfield, MO – Unwittingly Lars Nettles and Feather Presnorth, a hipster couple here in the Ozarks, stumbled into one of the area’s oldest and coolest bars by mistake. The duo are known for discerning taste in watering holes and the late night entrance into Silverleaf Taproom on Republic road was a rare swerve in straight […]
Pillar of Salt Discovered on Commercial Street.
Last month, a work crew digging up the old storm sewers on Commercial Street uncovered a pillar of salt, about the size and shape of an adult human female. The contractor contacted the city and concerned C-Street business owners. If this turned out to be some kind of a bog person, it would have to […]
Fantastic Caverns Hosts Storm Refugees
Springfield, MO – Hordes of people have flocked to the ancient tornado protection grounds known commercially as Fantastic Caverns. Citizens and local government have relocated temporarily to avoid dangerous storms and will remain submerged until the storm season passes in October. “I’ve heard of entire mobile homes driven into the caves, there is an entire […]
Yoga Classes Land at SGF Airport
Springfield, MO – Stretching and uncomfortable poses will be encouraged at the Springfield-Branson National Airport this week as new instruction-guided yoga classes will be offered to passengers. The new programming is intended to provide relaxation to customers either before or after flight. “I am so excited that we’ll have a chance to relax in the […]
Clown vs King in SGF
Today the McCheese administration was accused by Ronald McDonald of treason for selling McRibs to Burger King. Next week, BK debuts a new rib sandwich which is described as a carbon copy of the McRib, leading to the accusations of treason. Ronald stated to FCN, “We thought we had the lock on Mystery Meat, and […]
Barker in Branson
The appearance of Price is Right legend Bob Barker in town included a visit to ‘The Price is Right Live’ in Branson. Barker commented, “When I heard they hired Jerry Springer to do my show live in Branson, I needed to give him some pointers on how to do the show right. I whipped [Drew] […]
“Mom-Seat-Belt” Formed Across The Ozarks
Springfield, MO – In a touching show of motherly support, thousands of people aged 2 to 92 extended their right arm across the person’s chest to the right of them, thereby forming the largest mom-seat-belt chain in the world. The mom-seat-belt stretched nearly 19 miles and ran from downtown Springfield to the square in Ozark, […]
