Desperate Teen Forced to Use Desktop Computer

OMG WTF is this thing?

Springfield, MO- Local Hillcreast High School junior, Zach Slater, faced a horrible crisis yesterday when he had no choice, but to utilize an ancient device known has a “desktop computer.” With his smart phone left at his girlfriend’s house, his tablet’s charger no where to be found, and his Playstation Vita being used by his younger brother, Zach had no other choice than to check his Facebook page on a lumbering dinosaur known as a computer.

“It was in my dad’s study so it was surrounded by all these antiques like a phone with actual buttons instead of touch screens and pens which I guess where early forms of styluses,” Zach tells his friends during lunch. “Everything was so old I thought if I stepped in the wrong place a giant boulder would fall from the ceiling like that one movie starring the guy from Cowboys and Aliens.”

Zach then told his clique that he powered on the computer.

“The thing roared to life,” he states. “It was like I was starting up a muscle car from the 60’s. Or a 1900‘s textile factory carding machine. ”
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Once the computer was ready to go, which took approximately a thousand years to boot up, he had to master the “mouse” and “key board.” This was after he tried tapping the actual monitor screen several times to select icons.

Other challenges included: the computer having no voice commands, not remembering his Facebook log in, and looking at a screen that would not fit in his hand.

After the 20 minute ordeal (which is 3 week in modern teenage time) Zach was happy to be in his room surrounded by modern devices.

“I don’t know how my dad did it, growing up in the 80’s, ” he tells FCN. “He truly is apart of the greatest generation.”