Large Red Blob Threatening Ozarks

Fierce color invading the Ozarks

Springfield, MO – Meteorologists are reporting across the region of a looming, red blob that will enter our area on Tuesday and hang around causing unknown damage and other things. The red blob was first reported by meteorologist Hans Zeenit who proclaimed “Red mass…headed to….Ozarks” before collapsing from fear.

Speculators are speculating that the red blob may be related to the nuclear plant explosion in Japan, an off seas fracking accident or a large flatulent conglomeration floating north from Mexico, definitely not something that could have been caused in the continental United States.
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“I’ve seen white storms take over, but never blood red. That’s really surprising. I guess it should signal that we should do something different, like repent from our sins or take cover, but I’m planning to get a box of wine and some frozen pizzas and ride this out watching Hulu,” said 57-year-old Max Breacher of Bois D’Arc.

Scientists  and weather experts cannot agree on what sort of wind patterns the red mass will deliver but one thing is certain, “we expect it to produce several shades of magenta,” claims National Weather Service correspondent Leely Mumbleton, “I’ve only heard about red storms in fairy tales, on Mars and in Aborigine legends. The Ozarks will be the first recorded people to experience a red-out, and the National Weather Service will be there coving the event live!”