Springfield City Sales Tax Continuation Reveals Horrifying Fine Print

Volcano erupts near Republic Road

Springfield, MO- Days after 74% of voters approved a sales tax continuation, law makers discovered small text that shows an insidious and terrifying side to the proposition. Although the continuation was said to improve Republic Road, the
construction was also to release unspeakable evil.

“We thought it was cut and dry until we say the super subscript found at the bottom of the continuation description,” said Randle Sinclair. “Of course it was written in the ‘dark tongue”’ of the ancient, evil ones so we needed a super nerd
to translate it…the language is used quite a bit in role playing games.”

The text (written in a quatrain form) tells how they must dig to unleash the dark gods of the Chaos Times.

“Well, of course we don’t want to unleash unspeakable horrors, but the people voted on it, so we had to do it,” says Mayor Bob Stephens. “So digging starts Monday. Hopefully we can finish the 5 lanes before the Earth is totally destroyed.”

Although the terrors-to-come are up to some debate, most can agree they will be lava drenched furies, blood thirsty spirits from the shadow lands, and really scary dogs.

“I told everyone this would happen,” said voter Hark Carter. “Well, I mostly told everyone how the government was going to take our money…not so much all the evil.”