Old Man Winter Filibusters Winter Until Homosexuals Can Legally Marry

Springfield, MO- With a extra long winter looming over the Ozarks, many are

OMW stands for Equality

speculating when the warm weather will begin, but according to Old Man Winter, not until Homosexuals have to the right to marry.

Old Man Winter is not the only notable figure to change their mind over homosexual marriage. Claire McCaskill also changed her position last Sunday on the controversial issue. But, unlike Mccaskill, Old Man Winter has the power to do something about it.

“I am going to keep the Ozarks and most of the US blanketed in snow until same gender unions are allowed. I will go all Narnia all our your asses. That’s right: Brace yourself, winter is staying.”
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When asked about why he had a sudden change of mind, Winter told how he needed to change with the times.

“Sure I have been around since someone  said ‘Hey, let’s tilt this thing.” But, after watching the love, commitment, and hilarity of gay characters on TV, I changed my mind,” said Winter. “Also my son came out to me just last summer.”

“Sure, I am just a personification of ice, but I need to marry who I love in with,” said Jack Frost at a press conference last month. “And I am so glad my father is supporting my non-choice by plunging American in a wintry darkness.”

With cold weather inching their way into April, many Ozarkians are changing their minds on the issue. But, Mother Nature, a marriage traditionalist, says summer will stay until same sex marriage is made illegal.