Officers Equipped with Soap Guns for City Council Meetings

A mouthful of soapy justice

Springfield, MO – Following Mayor Stephen’s recent declaration banning swearing, officers providing protection at City Council meetings will be equipped with a new piece of law enforcement equipment– a soap gun.

City leaders worked with the police chief and considered numerous equipment enhancements including Super Soakers filled with soapy water, a fire hose filled with bars of Lava and even a more muted display of enforcement: hanging soap-on-a-rope near the Mayor’s microphone. After careful consideration, it was determined that the molded gun made of soap would be an intimidating and mindful reminder that offensive and foul language will not be tolerated.

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The weapons of choice will be employed when any presenter or speaker begins swearing. Officers have been trained to retrieve their Irish Spring sidearm and insert it directly into the offender’s mouth while quickly and courteously escorting them from the area.

Council members will also be fining anyone who curses or uses “mean and hurtful” comments to help offset the cost of the soap guns. “With any luck we can get a controversial measure at the next meeting and raise enough funds to pay off some of our City Debt,” said citizen Rolph Deacons.