Springfield Public Schools Buys Fleet of “Imperial Walkers” To Combat Snow Days

AT-AT transports students to school in snow

Springfield, MO- Due to a stubborn winter that refuses to relent, Springfield Public Schools bought a fleet of “Imperial Walkers” (also known as AT-AT’s) to make sure snow days are no longer an issue.

“We will no longer be a slave to old man winter,” said Superintendent Norm Vader while wearing a black cloak that covered most of his face. “With our mechanical monsters no one can stop us.”

Although the Walkers will be expensive, their numerous benefits outweigh the cost. The benefits include the ability to trounce through the snow problem-free, carry numerous students in their storage areas, be painted yellow for a traditional vibe, and frontal laser that can shoot any vehicles that don’t stop while they pick up students.

“This is great,” says area senior Michael Lawrence. “Can you imagine how intimating it will be when we show up to an away game in one of these babies? And if we lose we can just laser-blast the school. Win, win.”
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Norm Vader claims he got the idea while having an “Empire Strikes Back” flashback.

“It was another 80’s movie night: Breakfast Club, Mannequin, Empire, you know–whatever. And when I flashed back to the Hoth scene (long live the Empire always) I had the great idea.”

If this works Springfield Public Schools will also purchase a “Death Star” in case Nixa gets “all uppity.”