Archive for February, 2013
Climate Change Nerds Ruin Seasonally Warm Weather
Springfield, MO- While most Springfield residents were pleasantly surprised by the warm weather yesterday, a bunch of egg-head losers actually complained about the 70 degree temperatures. The know-it -all nerds told various residents that even though the warm days are nice now, climate change will have dire consequences in the future. “While you all are […]
Silver Dollar City Plans Underground Railroad-themed Ride
BRANSON (MO) – Following this spring’s opening of “Outlaw Run,” a new wooden roller coaster, Silver Dollar City, the popular 1800’s-themed amusement park, will next open an “Underground Railroad-themed adventure ride.” “We’re all excited about ‘Outlaw Run,’ of course, but this new ride is going to be really make history,” commented Parker Amends, a spokesperson […]
Insensitive Wife Totally Forgets Super Bowl
Nixa, MO- Local wife and mother Lily Harslow is in the doghouse today because she forgot the most important day in a man’s year: Super Bowl Sunday. Even though Mrs. Harslow apologized profusely, she knows that it will take a while before her husband’s heart will heal. “I knew it was sometime in February,” states […]
Super Bowl Party Celebrates Peak Physical Performers By Sloth and Gluttony
Springfield, MO- All across the Springfield area numerous fans are getting ready to celebrate the nation’s top athletics by sitting and eating. Even though most Springfiendians have no real connections to either teams, they are more than willing to partake in a orgy of friend and fatty foods all in the name of pure athleticism. […]
