Shoney’s Closing Upsets Citizens Still Living in the 1980’s

Tens of dozens of 80’s people disappointed

Springfield, MO-  The Springfield and Ozark location of Shoney’s restaurant will be closing to the disappointment of numerous Springfieldians still living in the 1980’s.  The citizens still stuck in the past are now wondering where they will eat while discussing such hot topics as: Gremlins,  Michael J. Fox, the rise of Madonna  and the Challenger explosion.

“I can’t believe this is happening. I feel as if I am Bruce Banner hitch hiking at the end of the episode of the Hulk: sad and lonely,” says Max Neon. “Now where I am going to drink my New Coke and solve my rubiks cubes?

Other people still living in the 1980’s are worried that now Shoney’s is going, what other 1980’s landmarks will be destroyed such as the Laser Tag Arena, Roller Rinks, and Bowling Alleys. Once razed, the 1980ians will be forced to leave their time bubble and join the rest of mankind in the 2010’s.
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“I have heard stories of the future: Tom Hanks is a serious actor, not a cross dresser; mute colors overtake neons; and video game characters actually kill each other, not eat each other while they are terrified ghost. I am never going there. Never,” says Cindy Ringwald.

The 1980ians are desperately trying to think of ways to save the restaurant. Possibly having it be so haunted by poltergeists that the demolition will not be able to take place.  Or a group of tiny, sassy robots help with the preparation of the food, or they can challenge the rich, heartless CEOs to a game of campsite softball: winner takes all.

All these ideas are expected to fall short because they are all stupid, as is the movies they are based on.