Barney…

Child number three and Barney, much to my chagrin, is still around.  His programming may have been discontinued but he still lingers in the form of these ghastly videos.  Somehow, this goofy, purple, dinosaur-looking bastard transcends time and makes a mockery out of the pain and disappointment that is the real world.  For Barney and his friends, every day is a great day in this sick, twisted, little happy land.  There are so many questions yet so few answers.  Why does he have to talk like he just took a pull straight from the helium tank?  Why are his arms so short?  How come he knows Santa?  Why are all the kids so friendly to each other?  When are they going to show the episode where Barney comes home drunk and beats one of the kids with his nubby, little tail after a long night of binge drinking with Frosty the Snowman and the Easter Bunny?  Now that is the real world.  Maybe it is better, however, not to expose our kids to the real world but to simply allow them to live in Barney’s sappy little biosphere for a while.  That is, until little Johnny throws the all-purpose ball at your kids face at recess and your son starts singing…I Love You, You Love Me…and so on…not good!  Parents…here is some motivation for you…next time you feel like allowing an overgrown, purple dinosaur into your living room to teach life lessons, think again.  I would recommend grabbing some classics like Porky’s or Revenge of the Nerds.  They may not understand it now, but those films can really take you places…look at me.

Keep em’ comin’ and watch em’ go.

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