Jay Nixon Totally Inaugurated All Day

Nixon was so inaugurated at the party

Jefferson City, MO – According to sources, Governor Jay Nixon was totally inaugurated today on the Capitol lawn in front of scores of attendees. The ceremonial initiation was pronounced to be “bitchin’” and “gnarly” by supports in the crowd. The day was full of swearing, as Lt. Gov Peter Kinder, Sec. of State Jason Kandor, Treasurer Clint Zweifel and Attorney General Chris Koster were all present.

Despite frigid temperatures, revelers were enjoying the inauguration and partied well into the night, after the initial afternoon festival began. “Dude, people were dressed up in robes and there was repetitive chanting…Nixon was so inaugurated he repeated everything this other guy was saying…they were both holding their hands up in the air like a bull rider just to keep their balance,” said Joey Figerthumb of Nixa, MO who was a first time attendee.
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All officeholders participated in an parade through the streets that some said had an atmosphere of Mardi Gras. “They were inaugurated in the streets, on the steps, in the pews at church, this thing went on all day. I’ve never seen so many people inaugurated in one day,” said Nancy Benevotop a longtime resident of Jefferson City.

Reports suggest that after Nixon was completely inaugurated he began talking about god-knows-what. “I don’t wanna fight with you man,” “I love you guys,” and “Hey, let’s all just legislate” were attributed to the Governor although most observers said his speech was incoherent due to his extreme inauguration. “This party was sick. I heard it was way better and more people were inaugurated this year than last term at Nixon’s party – he really stepped it up this time. I’m about to filibuster all over the Capitol Rotunda” belched Figerthumb as he braced himself against a portrait of Harry S. Truman.