Downtown Proselytizers Give In to Sin
FairCityNews.com | Dec 07, 2012 | Comments 0
Sign guys take to sinnin’
Springfield (MO) — The infamous proselytizers, who typically protest sin on the corner of Walnut Street and South Avenue, finally gave in. The gentlemen, who had spent every weekend of the past several years proselytizing with impressive consistency to Springfield’s downtown patrons, put down their signs, sighed, and walked right into The Boogie last Saturday.
“They were partying so hard!” reported Terry “Tito” Langdon, a downtown club regular. “As soon as I saw they were out-drinking me and my bros, I was like, ‘Whoa! This place is not cool anymore.’ And we bailed. But then we saw them at the next place, too!”
Various club-goers that night spotted the three proselytizers–Jeremiah Jones, Obadiah James, and Mordecai Cobb–dancing and drinking at several downtown establishments, including The Boogie, Bubbles, Club Fresh, Zeal, Club Era, Zan, The Outland, and Great Southern Bank.
“Jeez, it was so embarrassing,” said college student Brittni Prutley, “especially when the most bearded one started dancing all up on me. I got outta there, I couldn’t even wait for the song to end. Me and my girlfriends just left.”
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When asked to comment on surrendering the wickedness of modern society, abandoning their famous self-righteous rigidity, and retiring hand-painted signs of out-of-context Bible verses, group leader Jeremiah Jones slurred, “If you can’t convert ‘em, join ‘em.”
By 12:15 a.m. Sunday morning, every downtown club and bar was vacant.
“If those guys are dancing and drinking,” said Prutley, “then I don’t want to be. My friends don’t. No one does.”
Our reports tell us that in Springfield, church attendance that Sunday was up 200 percent.
Filed Under: Health
