Local Man Selects PowerBall, Square & Triangle

Primary color equations helped predict winning numbers

Springfield, MO – In an astronomical anomaly, Henry Tipton has correctly selected not only the winning PowerBall numbers but the trans-dimensional  lotteries PowerSquare and PowerTriangle. The odds of Tipton even discovering the extra dimensions are overshadowed by his ability to locate and correctly select the winning combinations of three lotteries.

“I guess I happened across the extra dimensions by luck and my luck kept on coming,” said Tipton, “I guess in each parallel universe I’ll be happy, baked on coke and murdered by a prostitute based on my winnings. I’m just not sure which one will occur here in this dimension.”

PowerBall officials were unaware of any trans-dimensional, parallel universe lottery system but confirmed that Tipton did select the winning combination for their game of chance. “Mr. Tipton did produce the winning combination of numbers for our drawing. I guess his claims on the other drawings will have to be verified by the respective authorities,” said one Lottery official.
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According to Alan Guth’s – the Victor F. Weisskopf Professor of Physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology – inflationary universe or inflationary theory of cosmology the universe began not only with a gravitational pull to keep things together, but that there was a reverse type of gravitation working and instead repelled everything from it, which he coined a “false vacuum.” As scientists have proven our world is constantly expanding, and so are their lotteries.

Guth expects all three realities to collide upon Tipton and he will experience happiness followed by drug addiction and followed by prostitute-induced homicide because, “no one can be that lucky”.