Wonder Bread Maker Folds Amidst Cultural Diversity

No you didn’t just play the race card on my food!

Springfield, MO –Across the country, thousands of bakers are losing their jobs producing Wonder Bread, Twinkies and Ho Hos at a point in time that collides with a diversified culture and increased awareness towards healthy lifestyles. Local Hostess shops are holding the doors open until every last white loaf of bread is picked off the shelves.

“I always knew the white devil would be defeated. Producing his white bread and calling it ‘wonderful’ and making black colored delicacies and naming them Ho Hos and such,” said Norma Beerson, “but I never expected them to stop selling me my damn Twinkies!” Many customers are outraged at the bakery closure and are stopping into Springfield stores to purchase the remaining baked goods to remind them of simpler, more racially divided times.
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“I always like to place my Wonder Bread next to my Ho Hos in the cupboard to symbolize racial equality,” said Flower Ginger of Ozark, “The two brands represented 2 loves in my life, and Donnetts really seemed to capture the Motown donut feeling in my mouth. Little Debbie and Dolly Madison could kiss my ass as far as I’m concerned.”

Economists predict that the Hostess Company will be picked apart and Twinkies will be purchased by a culturally sensitive company who plans to push calories on all ethnicities with no prejudice. “What does this say for our society that we no longer have a baked good representing white and black people?” pondered Phyllis Jenson while eating crackers and Ding-Dongs.