Hundreds of Birds Protest Thanksgiving with Mass Suicide

Man collecting birds in bucket not planning to serve Turkey

Springfield, MO – Hundreds of birds protesting Thanksgiving and the mutilation of millions of innocent turkeys caused quite the scene at Erie and Fremont streets by drinking poisoned Kool-Aid, thus ending their bird lives.

Dozens of black carcasses covered the intersection and at one time the dead little bird bodies spelled a message that read “Give Thanks, Not Slaughter” but several cars quickly destroyed the carefully crafted suicide statement.
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“I’ve heard of human protests by PETA groups, but this is the first time I’ve been aware of a aviary-assisted-suicide staged protest,” said Henry Hocklinger of the Springfield Urban Club of Aviary Humanity (SUCAH), “SUCAH members are astounded by the coordinated efforts displayed by this collection of ravens and blackbirds. Usually these birds are only capable of a mass crapping on the top of a minivan.”

Neighbors were disturbed by the display and complained that the mess of black feathers would take several days to clean from the streets. All but one planned to prepare turkey for their thanksgiving feast. The man who decided against serving turkey to family members and guests was seen sweeping up and collecting dead birds in a nearby yellow bucket.

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