Obama Calls It Quits After Redskins Loss

Obama watching the clock run out on Redskins game, Presidential Term

Springfield, MO – The local democratic campaign office has announced that President Obama will not seek another term after the Washington Redskins lost to the Carolina Panthers this past weekend. The report referenced Obama’s decision was based solely upon the Redskins Rule, which has accurately predicted the outcome of every presidential election since 1940.

Obama said, “I cannot defeat this historic trend, and I pull out of this race not because of my personal strengths, weaknesses or vision for our country, but because the RG3 had an awful game and Cam Newton decided he was going to win a game for only the second time this year.”

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Missouri Democrats are urging the President to reconsider and point to other prediction points as support. “Take the Halloween Mask trend, Obama masks are far outselling Romney, Alabama beat LSU, a National team won the World Series, 59% of voters chose Obama in the 7-11 contest, the Lakers missed the Finals, Scholastic News polls favored the President, Michelle won the Family Circle cookie bake-off, and 62% of Chia pets sold were Obama, not Romney,” said staffer Trent Loperrson.

According to sources, President Obama began questioning his chances at success after Gnocchi, the election–predicting squirrel, ate 9 nuts from Romney’s bowl versus 5 from Obama’s.