Task Force Addresses Concerns Amid Nuclear Test/Holocaust On Square

Boom! Square is Hot

Springfield, MO – While a newly formed task force met at the Busch Municipal Building on Tuesday afternoon to strategize against negative perceptions of Park Central Square, an actual nuclear bomb test and ethnic cleansing occurred on the square.

“Yeah, we’ve got our work cut out for us,” said Nancy Puhdrewery, a newly appointed task force member, “when I accepted the role, I thought we would be dealing with fist fights and drug deals. But it turns out the entire tribe of goths were wiped from the earth by a nuclear bomb test. So this should be something that reads well on my resume.”

The nuclear explosion lasted just a few moments but symbolized longstanding fears of what the constituencies gathered around the table don’t want for the square’s future. “No. I can say without a doubt that we don’t want nuclear explosions and holocaust events on the square,” said Ralph Piqonose, chairman of the committee.
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The task force organized its concerns under the headings of enforcement, new ordinances and among other things marketing. “We planned to place ‘No Nuclear Explosions Ever’ signs up around downtown but I guess we’ll have to go with ‘No Nuclear Explosions for X number of Days’ signs instead,” said Piqonose.

The city has spent nearly $3 million since 2009 repairing sidewalks on the outer edge and rehabbing the interior of the square. The work must continue, apparently, on some of the evil masterminds who insist on bringing despair and destruction to the area.

“At least we don’t have homeless drug deals to worry about anymore. Those are concerns of the past. Now we have to look at regulating fusion techniques and cultural extinction…which are far more interesting than a bum smacking around a lame dealer,” claimed Puhdrewery.