First Man on Moon Aided by Steroids

Hubble replica picks up syringe on moon surface

Marshfield, MO – The United States Anti-Doping Agency, in an ever-continuing effort to aggressively attack all things Armstrong, has announced that according to the replica Hubble Telescope in Marshfield, Missouri – Neil Armstrong had once tested positive for anabolic steroids. Only weeks after the legendary astronaut and first man on the moon, died from complications following heart surgery, the U.S.A.D.A. has invalidated his pinnacle achievement.

The official press-release read as follows, “After extensive testing, we are sorry to announce that Neil Armstrong tested positive for anabolic steroids from an photograph taken from the Hubble Space Telescope replica which revealed a urine sample taken from the bladder of his space suit during the Apollo 11 mission.”
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The moon landing is not only seen as a major milestone for humanity, but is widely viewed as what won the space race for the United States during the Cold-War. Suspicions of doping arose in the 1970’s when rumors began to spread that Neil’s astronaut team mates had noticed him taking usually long bathroom breaks and befriending “Easy Eddie”, who was kicked out of the Astronaut Training Corps for promoting LSD as an easier way to reach outer space.

An official of the U.S.A.D.A. followed the press-release with this statement, “the use of steroids gave Armstrong an unfair competitive advantage. The U.S. may have eventually still won the space race, but after these findings we can now say that the Soviets never really had a fair chance.  I’m afraid that Neil’s use of the substance Anadrol was one small step for a man, one giant leap for Human Growth Hormone.”