NFL Uses Replacement Fans

Yawn says replacement fan

Springfield, MO – The National Football League will open the regular season with replacement fans in the Ozarks on opening day. League executives told the 32 teams that negotiations remain at a standstill between the NFL and the officials’ union, prompting fans to be replaced week 1.

The replacement fans will be in the stands beginning next Wednesday night when the Cowboys visit the Giants to open the season. The Financial Association of NFL Sportsfans (F.A.N.S. Association) was locked out in early June and talks on a new collective bargaining agreement went nowhere.  Replacements have been used throughout the preseason, with mixed results.

“I was asked to sit and watch a football game and it was very eventful. The young men were running all over the grass and knocking into each other. I tapped my crochet sticks together when the band played to show my enjoyment. After a few hours I was handed a check and allowed to leave,” said Patricia Nortonson, of Boliver, MO.

F.A.N.S. reports that most moderate to average fan bases require full time referees on the field to maintain the integrity of the game. “I was watching one game and a scab-feree was calling the game…totally lost interest. I think it was the NBA or something. I’ve never watched a game since,” said Roosevelt Jenkins of Nixa.

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