4th Graders Hijack School Bus to Escape School

Bus-jackin'

Springfield, MO- 4th graders from Hilldale Elementary staged a daring coup yesterday when they took over a school bus to escape from the horrors of school. The 4th graders, armed with sling-shots and water pistols filled with cat urine held bus driver Hector Barnslow hostage and demanded a new destination.
“It was awful,” Hector tells FCN. “I was this close [he put his fingers inches from each other] to a mouth full of cat piss. Also they put boogers on their fingers and threaten to touch my face with it.”
The ring leader of the group was Danny Mitchell, a forth grader with a penchant for trouble making and an 8th grade reading level. Over the summer he recruited several of his bus mates using tactics such as bribery with comics; threats of telling everyone about their crushes; and hosting lavish tree house parties complete with s’mores, pizza rolls, and R rated movies.
“I really felt like a somebody,” stated Marvin Marx. “One minute I was a loser playing X-Box with my little sister the next I know I am rubbing elbows with grade school royalty eating cheetoes by the bowl full, so sure I was going to help him with the scheme.”
With the players in place it was easy for them to take over the bus. Even the under- cover cop was quickly restrained.
“I don’t know how they knew he was a cop. Sure he was 5’7, but he was clean shaven, wore a beanie hat, and had a trapper keeper,” said Officer Chambers. “I guess we need to stop getting our ideas from 80’s TV or their movie remakes.”
Once the students took control they demanded for a different route. Ideas for destinations ranged from Disney World, Dairy Queen, The North Pole, and Hogswart Castle. They finally settled on a Branson mini golf.
The plan was derailed however when the students found out that mini pizzas would be served during school lunch and immediately demanded to go to school.

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