Archive for July, 2012
3 Illegal Recipients of Joplin Fund Face Wind Tunnel
Springfield, MO – Three Joplin residents have admitted in federal court that they obtained disaster benefits after last year’s deadly tornado they weren’t entitled to receive and now face punishment via an wind torture tunnel. Acting U.S. Attorney David Ketchmark says 51-year-old Wanda Gail McBride, 30-year-old Ronald Martell Irby and 37-year-old Karen Marie Parks pleaded […]
Devil Offers Golden Fiddle to Firehouse Fiddle Contestant
Springfield, MO – Last Saturday, fiddle players from as far away as Idaho, Oklahoma and Texas arrived at the Firefighters Union Hall to participate in the locally supported Firehouse Fiddle Contest. According to sources, one player was approached by a shadowy figure near the end of the day. “This shadowy looking dude jumped up on […]
Mirage Alert Issued for Art Walkers
Springfield, MO – Due to the high heat, a mirage warning has been issued to people who plan to attend the first Friday Art Walk this week. Downtown employees have reported seeing strange things all week and the illusions are expected to continue through the weekend. “I saw an oasis spring of Springfield Brew Co’s […]
Giant Flaming Eagle Terrorizes Independence Day Celebrators
Springfield, MO – Yesterday a rare flaming eagle was seen screaming across the night’s sky across the southeast side of town. Witnesses said they were unsure what the flying object was until they heard a piercing shrill cry and saw the bird of freedom soaring over their homes, spitting fire from its glorious tail feathers. […]
Lebanon School District Administrators Placed in Trailers
Lebanon, MO – Parents of special education students were pleased to learn that Lebanon School District administrators were recently placed in an un-air-conditioned trailer behind the school’s campus until they can come up with a plan to properly integrate their children and reverse the segregating their loved ones have been exposed to from the rest […]
