3 Illegal Recipients of Joplin Fund Face Wind Tunnel

Wind tunnel torture applied to tornado criminals

Springfield, MO – Three Joplin residents have admitted in federal court that they obtained disaster benefits after last year’s deadly tornado they weren’t entitled to receive and now face punishment via an wind torture tunnel. Acting U.S. Attorney David Ketchmark says 51-year-old Wanda Gail McBride, 30-year-old Ronald Martell Irby and 37-year-old Karen Marie Parks pleaded guilty Monday in Springfield and face 6-months in a torrential wind tunnel.

“Wind tunnels are notoriously nasty as they are unrelenting. The force of Mother Nature pummeling you in the face, body and soul is a painful experience. Sight is lost, touch is numbed and the sound is deafening – it truly represents first-hand what it is like to be caught in a tornado,” said Nguyen Fortright, an expert in natural-forces torture.

Five others, a total of eight, are facing prosecutors for falsely applying for federal disaster aid, claiming their homes and property had been destroyed by fierce winds. Actual victims of the May 22, 2011 tornado in Joplin will be invited to see the “straight line eight” face the horrible wind tunnel to purify their souls before they face 30 years of prison time and up to $250,000 in fines.

“I can’t wait to see those liars spin like leaves in the tumbler,” said tornado victim Lance Ferguson, “maybe their minds will consider what the real affected people went through during the storm.”

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