Area Conservative Mothers Have “Fifty Shades of Gray” Book Burning…Almost

Burn, no don't burn it!

Springfield, MO- Book bans and burnings are not unusual occurrences in the Bible Belt, so it is so surprised that the racy “mommy porn” novel “Fifty Shades of Gray” was set in the sights of numerous area conservatives. The burning was set to take place in the parking lot of Hilldale Church on June 18th, but unforeseen circumstances stopped the fiery demise of the E. L. James novel.

“Look at this smut,” yelled Anna Tasia, the 43 year old leader of the burning. “On page 109 Mr. Gray takes the propagandist and….oh…oh my. Wow. WOW. Hold on a second.” Anna then continued reading for the next 30 minutes, constantly putting up her index finger when the other members asked what was happening. After the 30 minute pause, Anna told the members she was really stressed and needed to go home and draw a warm bath.

With Anna gone, Linda Marx took over the crusade. While they were setting the fire and opening the boxes filled with the erotic novel, she thumbed through the pages and found the infamous bath scene. She then called her husband to “try something she read somewhere”, leaving the group leaderless again.

Other members left after “accidentally” looking at the naughtiest scenes and had to either “take care of something at home”, “see their husbands at work”, “pick up riding crops….for a friend’s horse, “and finally buy that piano”. More members left because they thought it was a book signing.

In two hours the parking lot was almost empty with only some members sitting down and reading the book while fanning themselves, trying to stop being so red faced, flustered, and smiling.

The next day Brimstone Trinity Church was able to complete a successful burning of the novel because they thought the title of the book was “50 Shades of Gay”.

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