Gritty Archie Remake to be Filmed at Local High School

Archie all gritty with a smoke

Springfield, MO- Some lucky Springfield High School students may be able to get their 10 minutes of fame thanks to Paramount Studio’s Archie reboot which is being filmed in the Ozarks. The shooting of the movie, which will take place in late May, will bring big stars to the area such as James Garfield, Diana Agron, Josh Hutcherson, Emma Stone, and Terry O’Quinn. But the stars can do it all so extras will be needed and Paramount is looking for local talent to fill in the gaps.

Taking the familiar Archie comics and twisting them into a gritty, more realistic tone is the brain child of David Fincher. “Every comic is getting a gritty reboot,” said Fincher. “And I thought, ‘Why not Archie?’ All the elements are their: wealth, love triangles, addiction, teenage angst, milkshake sharing. It will be perfect.”

When asked why film in Missouri, Fincher said, “It was simply because Riverdale needs a small town feel, which Springfield has the perfect feel for the movie. Also we need a huge black tower, a dancing fountain, a Chili’s, a giant walking robot statue, and a surrounding meth problem. Yeah, I am changing Jughead’s hamburger addiction to meth. We are really Winter Boning it up. Winter Boning it hard. In fact I thought Winter‘s Bone was a gritty reboot of Nancy Drew.”

The actors seem to be fitting in fine; adapting to the slow pace of Missouri from the hustle bustle of LA. “Yeah Jennifer Lawrence (Josh’s co-star in The Hunger Games) warned me about Missouri. She told me all about the hell hounds, spook lights, and the Indians trying to kill precocious youths in caves. I am getting used to it. We will all fit in eventually,” said Josh Hutcherson as his red polio shirt slowly morphed into over-alls.

The students and staff are looking forward to a piece of Hollywood entering their school. “We can’t wait for the filming,” stated Principal Crabton. “And I was a big fan of the comics growing up. Sure, I have my reservations about the gritty reboot such as Moose starting a fight club, Dilton starting a social network, and someone’s head ending up in a box. But, I trust Fincher’s artistic vision and his creepiness.”

There is a call for extras who either look like teenagers or methed-out adults.

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