Precocious Kids Save DARE Program Through “Baked” Sale

Baking money

Polk County, MO- Due to budget cuts the anti-drug DARE program seemed to be doomed, but thanks to local kids, the program may have new life. Students from all over the Polk County area lent a helping hand to the program by selling numerous baked goods with a special ingredient.

“Love,” said 10 year old Gary Fellows. “Love and marijuana.” Gary goes on to explain that thanks to DARE they have vast knowledge of drugs, and they can use that knowledge to be better salesmen or “dealers.”

“I love the activities and lessons that DARE offers,” 8-year-old Megan Leary said while making pot brownies in her Easy Bake Oven, “and, man, do the art teacher and bus driver love these brownies.”

Other students are using their junior chemistry set to make meth, their bicycles to deliver their goods and their sling shots to protect their territory from other groups. We knew we had to take out the competition,” Gary confided, “first we went after Missy Sugarsmile and her gang of Girl Scouts to secure the baked goods racket. We took care of them with water balloons and covering their sashes with poison ivy. Then the Lemonade Stands had to go, which was no problem thanks to our wiffle ball bats. Then the actual drug dealers had to go. Ever see Home Alone? Where the little kids defeat the bad guys with elaborate and hilarious traps? We didn’t do that, we just shot them.”

Once the competition was gone, the kids could put their plan into action. With numerous baked sales and street deals, the kids had no problem making the necessary money to save DARE. In fact, they made enough to save the program, buy a Barbie dream mansion, numerous power-wheels, and an armory of Nerf guns.

“Thanks to DARE, we know drugs are bad and we will never use them,” says Megan. “But, selling them is a great fundraising activity.”

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