Springfield Woman Pulls off Girl Scout Heist of the Century

Spy moms form crack team of robbers

Los Springvas, MO- A local woman pulled of the heist of a lifetime when she stole thousands of dollars from a local PTA and Girl Scout Troop 70472. The heist took months of planning and could have not been pulled off with her crack team of thieves that the media as deemed “Jordan’s 11.”

“You want to rob a organization whose sole purpose is to help children,” asked Jordan’s partner in crime, Rana Ryan in a seedy bar. According to eye witnesses Jordan simply shook her head and put up two fingers. “You want to rob two organizations whose sole purpose is to help children,” Rana asked in disbelief.  Jordan and Rana then formed a crack team to break into the Girl Scout’s vault.

Techie mom blogger Katie Capstone, super flexible yoga enthusiast Carmen Maxwell, quick handed Megan Tombs, SUV driving extraordinaire Tammy Karter, and various others. The whole operation was funded by Cynthia St. James, a wealthy woman who made her millions selling Avon and has hated Girl Scouts ever since they became the champion of door to door sales.

Once the team was created, the plan was set. Although details are sketchy, police reports tell of numerous cons, fake noses, pick pocketing, breaks to call the baby-sitter to make sure she was doing ok, innocent flirtations for distractions- don’t tell Ron, explosives made out of house hold cleaners, and finally the missing money.

Missy Surgarsmile, the 11-year-old, self-appointed leader of the scouts, as well as, queen bee and mean girl has this to say to the thieves: “Run and hide b*****s. Run and hide. If you should be picked up tomorrow buying a 500 dollar flat wear set, I am going to be disappointed. Because I want my girls to find you (because they just got their tracker merit badge), and when they do, we are going to hurt you. Then hurt you s’more. So my advice is this: run and hide b*****s.”

Police were able to capture Jordan, the ring leader of the thieves before the scouts. But not before the girl scouts sent her half-eaten thin mints wrapped in a blood red sash – a sign that her time is up. “You don’t mess with an organization and walk away from it,” stated Officer Ben Saunders. “We are going to put her in the witness protection program…like that will do any good. She might as well throw herself into the campfire now.”

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