Easter Bunny To Earth’s Children: Stop Stealing my Eggs

Easter Bunny pleads for eggs

Springfield, MO- In a press conference yesterday the Easter Bunny gave a desperate plea to the children of the earth: leave my eggs alone. During the conference he stated how every year he purposely hides his eggs so they can hatch and grow up to be healthy bunnies.

“I know you might not know the life cycle of mystical rabbits so here we go: when a mommy mystical rabbit and a daddy love each other they make eggs and the daddy hides them for safety so they can grow big and strong. Unless, of coarse, evil children find them and eat the fetuses.”

The confusion comes from the eggs themselves. The eggs are much different than eggs of chickens and snakes. They are multicolored, plastic feeling, and have a seam circling the equator. Also the embryos look much like jelly beans then develop into fetuses that look exactly like foil wrap chocolate. Either way, they are both delicious.

“The worst is after they hatch. Infant Easter bunnies are comatose and are covered with a hard chocolate shell that protects them from lesser enemies, but is ineffective to their number one predator: 2nd graders,” says a tearful Easter Bunny at the press conference. “And they also go for the ears first. Oh God, why the ears?”

Even though the eggs are mostly hidden in bushes around houses, some are found around churches. But, never around schools or synagogues. “I just hope one day I can be father,” said the Easter bunny. “But, with those evil little monsters around, it will be impossible.”

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