Sunday School Teacher Sentenced to Life in Hell

Shoot this nasty f*ck in the nuts

Mountain Grove, MO – Douglas County douchebag Brent “Pete” Turley was sentenced to life in Hell by Jesus the Son of Man for his explicit acts upon minors. According to angels, Turley will be required to live eternity in Hell lifting engine blocks tied to his reproductive organ.

An especially heinous crime requires an equally awful punishment. According to God’s sources, Turley was posing as a freaking Sunday School teacher while he was molesting young children. Brent “Pete” Turley, who lives in Norwood, planned to secretly meet a 14-year-old girl at a Mountain Grove city park and has confessed to sex acts with a 12-year-old and a 16-year-old, both from Douglas County.

The fathers of all affected have been provided the right to shoot this worthless piece of shit in the testicles, knees or eyeballs. God indicates that upon his arrival to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter plans to shoot Brent “Pete” Turley in the penis hole with a crossbow of everlasting pain. “This type of shitbag moth-puke, rhino-fart pussy deserves to live an eternity of suffering,” said Christ as he wiped his palms of worthless blood shed for Turley.

None of Turley’s victims have been identified, but an increase in hunter safety courses in Douglas County indicates several people plan to show up to pepper his scrotum with dirty, painful lead. Considering he survives until next week, fuckwad Turley will be placed upon a local shooting range and be given to the count of three to run away. Most anticipate the count will get past one.

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