Local Douchebag Felt Earthquake More Than You

"I felt it more than you"

Springfield, MO – Despite an epicenter nearly 250 miles away, local douchebag Stan Liston claimed that he was “totally rocked by the quake, probably more than you.” Liston recalled his horrific story this morning while having breakfast with several of his friends at Gailey’s.

“We were all at the same party last night and we ran out of Peach Schnapps. Liston offered to go get more right before the quake hit…in Oklahoma. We were on the South side of town but Liston claims he was closer to the quake as he had to drive to Nixa for the booze…what a douche,” said Jeremy Hagger.

Liston interrupted several breakfast conversations to relay his “out of body experience”, the “rocking his car took” and his “feeling of imminent doom”. He supposedly ran off the road in his car, jumped a curb and smashed into a ditch.

“I felt the quake hit and my entire life flashed in front of me. The road spit open and I swerved to avoid the crack, then it slammed back together. I got out of my car and fell on my knees. I totally felt it. I know I did. I felt it more that you. Probably,” said Liston.

Liston says he was shaken so hard by the quake that he lost an hour of time from his day. Liston’s claims are always suspect and his friends confirm that this is likely another lame attempt to get attention, they have yet to inform him that daylight saving time was observed the same night as the “OK quaker.”
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