Human Models Put Mannequins Out of Work

Mannequins protest on South Street

Springfield, MO – People gathered and gawked outside of Staxx and Moda at last weekend’s Art Walk, admiring the realness and mobility of the mannequins standing in the business’ windows. It was later discovered that the mannequins were actually human models, wearing human clothes and standing as still as humanly possible, just like mannequins normally do.

That the humans were indeed humans was confirmed, not only when the models needed bathroom breaks, but by a group of mannequins protesting the loss of their positions outside of Bistro Market on the corner of Walnut Avenue and South Street. The mannequins were holding large signs, which displayed such phrases as, “Leave the wearing of clothing to those without faces or genitalia,” “Mannequins are people too,” and “HuMANNEQUIN!”

According to owners of local clothing stores, the economy has suffered so much that it is cheaper to hire part-time human mannequins than it is to buy full-time mannequin mannequins. This is bad news for out of work mannequins, many of whom have already had to lose their arms, legs, or heads in order to be more affordable to local businesses.

Public feelings about the new in-window clothing-wearers are mixed.

“I think it’s great to see some attractive people getting work,” said downtown patron Travis Ebbs. “Not enough opportunities come to attractive people these days.”

“Well, I think it’s awful,” said resident Aleana Garrett, “and I heard the mannequins have been on a hunger strike—they haven’t eaten a thing since the protests started. The mannequins should be the ones showing humans how humans look in human clothing—they are better at standing still and have much brighter personalities than models do.”

When asked about the job crisis or the protests, the mannequins had no comment.

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