SGF Cardinals Adopt “Rally Bass”

Strange mascot "Rally Bass" adopted by the Springfield Cardinals

Springfield, MO – To capitalize on the success of the St. Louis Cardinals rally squirrel, the local farm team has adopted a team mascot equally powerful in producing wins. The new mascot has ties to the Ozarks and is simply known as the “Rally Bass”. The Rally Bass was first seen floppin’ his way from the Springfield Cardinals dugout to home plate, then flipped into the stands where it wriggled away from capture.

“WTF was that?” exclaimed umpire Darrel Trenton, a minor league veteran of 19 years, “I swear to God, that was the ugliest, most foul display of movement I have even seen. Not only on the field but in my life. The stench was really quite offensive. I’m mentally scarred for life.” The Rally Bass appeared at the end of the minor league season and led the little Cards to an elusive victory. After the game, grounds crews searched for the air-breathing winged fish with no luck.

Larry Portinga, head groundskeeper said, “I really thought we were going to be in a hot mess for not finding that beast, but now I think the success of the rally squirrel has paved the way for the return of the Rally Bass. We are eagerly awaiting his return next Spring. He’s good for the team morale.”

During the MLB playoffs the rally squirrel helped the Cardinals win seemingly impossible games; local Springfield Cardinal fans have equally high hopes for the Rally Bass here at Hammons Field. “Rally bass is gonna totally help us win next year, I can feel it,” said Charlie Mowers, a 14-year old Springfield Cardinals fan. Next season Bass Pro Shops will be the official sponsor of Rally Bass and encourages all fans to welcome his return for a successful run in the minor league playoffs.

“We’re gonna have to keep Fetch the Dog away from Rally Bass, but the merchandise sales and once-in-a-lifetime experience one can get at the ballpark will keep the fans coming back for more. We’re very excited for Rally Bass,” said a team spokesperson. Big league manager Tony LaRussa said, “keep that flying fish away from Busch Stadium.”

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