Academy Sells $0.20 of Goods to Curious Ozarkers Opening Weekend

Local man tries out a golf club he won’t be purchasing

Springfield, MO – Newly opened sports and outdoor company Academy celebrated a grand opening weekend welcoming  thousands of visitors who combined for $0.20 worth of sales for the retail giant. Most folks who visited the store left empty handed but with a good idea of what goes into a huge building with lots of expectations.

“I don’t know how they are going to keep the doors open if people like me don’t buy anything. All the gear looked real good, I just don’t have any money to purchase anything. It was fun to ‘window shop’ for a while,” said Lewis Ferguson of Nixa, “now I know exactly what they have in case I feel like shopping for real someday.”
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Over the weekend thousands of cars clogged the parking lot and adjoining parking lots at Sam’s Club and the Library Center with curious Academy would-be shoppers. “We sold one piece of half-priced gum. That’s it. Everyone was just looking around browsing. One lady had to touch every piece of clothing then hold it up to her in a mirror, then she’d just place it back on the rack. I think she was taking mental pictures of herself,” said Sid Gomner, District Manager.

The company plans to keep the doors open to satisfy all the areas curious residents. “We figure there are a lot more people who want to check out our store, look around for an hour and a half and not buy a darn thing. We figure we could stay open for months before anything actually sells,” sighed Gomner.