Office NFL Jersey Day Taken Too Far

Accounting VP demands reports on his desk now

Springfield, MO – Employees at Jimmerson Accounting were deeply offended today when VP of Operations Lance Figpie came dressed as an Oakland Raiders fan. The office had declared today as “wear your team jersey day” to celebrate the opening of the NFL season. Figpie took the spirit day too far according to co-workers.

”Lance showed up at my desk and yelled at me. He said, ‘you better have that report on my desk or I’m gonna rip out your lungs and feed them to the piranha I keep in the men’s room, dirtbag!’ That is really uncalled for, I’ve never heard him yell like that before,” said Lori Trembles, a junior accountant with the firm who was wearing a Denver Broncos pullover.

Eyewitnesses reported unusual behavior from the man they had always respected and admired. Figpie was seen knocking over the water cooler, punching secretaries in the face and twice urinated on the fax machine. “Lance has really taken this whole ‘fun’ idea to wear jerseys to work to a new low level. He is a nightmare to be around while dressed as a Raiders fan,” said human resources manager Joan Yola who donned a Kansas City Chiefs jersey.

Before the morning staff meeting began Richard Newton, wearing a San Diego Chargers branded polo shirt, rushed out to the parking lot to find his SUV on fire next to a burning trail of gasoline that read “Chargers Suck!”

Jim Jimmerson, principal and owner of the firm brushed aside Figpie’s behavior as “being in the spirit of the NFL” and declined to address the boorish antics for fear of a nooige followed by a swirley administered by Figpie. Employees were comforted slightly with the knowledge that the Raiders will go 2-14 this season.

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