Postal Service “Mails It In” Develops Mailbot

Mailbot may deliver all mail soon

Springfield, MO – Frustrated by an antiquated business model and angered at the thought of financial collapse local mail carriers are simply mailing in their efforts until Congress fixes their centuries-old institution.

Mailman Jonsey Harth said, “it’s about time we did something about all of this electronic mail, electronic bill payment and some hog wash about a ‘Federal’ express delivery that isn’t even tied to the government.” According to sources, the local mail routes will be diminished and service will be reduced in order to meet budget concerns in 2012.

“Currently, we are planning on accepting mail on Monday, then we’ll use a small force of men and women to pile the mail into a large ditch on Tuesday. So when Wednesday comes, customers can go to the Mail Pile and dig out their personal communiqué,” said a Postal employee.

Local mail recipient, Julie Swatherton said, “Why don’t they just put the mail into a big airplane, fly it over the city then drop the envelopes out of the sky to land in specified neighborhoods? I’d think that would save a lot of drive time for mail peeps.”

If all other measures fail, the Post Office plans to spend all available operating cash developing a Mailbot, or robot, to deliver catalogs, bills and personal messages door-to-door. Mailbot has been in limited test across Southwest Missouri and most folks find it useful.

“I’ve had Mailbot since April, I don’t have to worry about it sleeping with my wife, don’t have to get it a Christmas present and most convenient my dog, Bowser,  can chew the Mailbot’s leg, well until a low-energy laser knocks him silly. I just wish Mailbot would stop opening my Playboys,” said Glen Fisherman.

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