Golf a Civil (War) Game This Weekend

CIVIL WAR RE-ENACTMENT TO RE-LOCATE

Springfield, MO – Wilson’s Creek National Battlefield Superintendent Mort Meek announced today that, due to weather conditions and topographical need, the Sesquicentennial Re-enactment of the Battle Of Wilson’s Creek will be take place at Highland Springs Country Club this weekend.

Over 3000 smelly, wool-clad, Union and Confederate would-be’s will take the field beginning this Friday (August 12) for the first in a series of three fights pitting brother against brother in commemoration of the battle that took place 150 years ago.

31 field artillery pieces and nearly 300 horses will join the fray in what will prove to be the largest demonstration of its sort in Ozarks’ history. From lines of infantry loosing musket-fire at point-blank range, to the flash of sword and saber of the cavalry charge, to the deep-throated rumble of cannon and caisson, Missouri’s part in the Civil War will be brought to life in all its flame and fury. When asked for comment, representatives of the Price Cutter Charity Championship scheduled to be contested at the same time on the same field of battle relied, “Huh?!?”

It has been reported that the Union Army has set up headquarters for its General Staff in a moderate little home just off the first tee. Though the family has been dispossessed they have taken up residence in a nearby Bud Lite refreshment tent. Journeyman golfers are not concerned with the possibility of shelling during the tournament. Says 13 year professional Thomas “Spikemark” Fergus, “Nah, no big deal. You should see what it’s like playing St. Andrews’. The have arrows and catapults and all sorts of medieval junk being flung at you. Those things you can’t hear coming. One minute you’re six under par, the next six feet under.”

Lance Corporal Birdie McDougal of the 11th Iowa is looking forward to the meeting of the ages. “I can’t wait to meet some of those Sissy-Mary’s on the real field of battle. I’ll match ‘em shot for shot.” Tournament officials report they will be enforcing two new local rules covering shrapnel as a loose impediment and loss of limb as a stroke and distance penalty.

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