Jackpot Lottery Ticket Sold at Kum N’ Go?!

Most in SGF feel as this man looks

Springfield, MO—“You’ve got to be frickin’ kidding me, like the one day that I didn’t buy a ticket from that store and it sells a winner,” said most of Springfield today. According to sources, one lucky bastard in Springfield is $1.2 million richer after matching all six numbers drawn to win the jackpot prize on July 30. The winning number combination, 1, 16, 24, 26, 29 and 41, was sold at the Kum N’ Go on West Republic Road.

The ticket marks the 207th Lotto jackpot winner since the game started in 1986. “Two hundred and seven times since 25 years ago and it was right here in my backyard?” yelled an unbelieving Claude Normal, who has purchased tickets from the store about every other week without fail since he lost his job in 2009. “Eff me in the epiglottal gluteus,” sighed Normal.

According to representatives for the Missouri Lottery, “if you’re the player holding this lucky ticket, the first thing you need to do is sign the back of it. Then keep it in a safe place until you can mail your ticket to Fair City News at which time a jackpot prize at one of the four Lottery offices, can process the claim.”

To reiterate, simply mail the winning ticket to the Fair City News offices and the prize will be claimed.

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