Giant Black Snake Tops Fireworks Show

A poor artists depiction of the giant magic black snakes

Kimberling City, MO—“OMG what the hell is that!?” could be heard shouted from boaters on Table Rock Lake this weekend as they viewed the final few moments of the Kimberling Bridge fireworks show. According to sources, the fireworks finale included a 475-foot tall, 60-foot round giant black snake that scared the bejesus out of most in attendance.

“At first it started smoking and an ash resembling a giant evil black snake formed and flew up into the sky where it towered over us, I thought it was the Medusa’s serpent come to fry us all with poison shooting from its mouth,” said Norman Hallerton, who was situation on his pontoon boat directly beneath the Kimberling City Bridge.

Scientist Richard Timberland said the light firework is “created via intumescent reaction. They stay on the ground and do not emit sparks, flares, any form of projectiles, or any sound, but may release smoke. Which can be scary.”

Everyone on the lake, however, agreed that it was one ugly mother-father that rose up into the sky and threatened to crush everything in its path as a hellish smoke poured from the head of the mighty black serpent and the Devil himself rode on its back shooting flames from his ass.

Boaters immediately flicked on their bilge pump switches and waited for several terror-filled seconds until their boat engines were ready to be fired up. It was at this time that the giant black snake fell over and landed into the water, immediately disintegrating its ash body into the basin of the White River.

Randy Hillbon, who was covered in black ash on his skin to his sea-doo said, “that was freakin’ awesome – best fireworks show evah.”

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