Japanese Strolling Gardens Ruined By Japanese Strolling Monster

Giant mutated Koi captured in an oil painting

Springfield, MO- What is a usually a calm experience, the Japanese strolling gardens erupted in slow paced chaos when the Koi fish pond was contaminated with toxic chemicals. After the contamination one fish (later named Koizilla) mutated into a medium sized fish monster. Because the creature was not used to walking on land, and had the brain the size of a marble its terror was received rather slowly.

“Koizilla,” screams a park patron, while pointing at the menace. The patron then screamed and pointed 57 more times before the creature got to him, gumming him to death.

“It was awful”, stated Jeff Carr. “My family and I were eating peacefully and we saw it come straight for us. I barely had to time to pass out the food, have a nice conversation, have a second helping, then desert, then pack up before he go to us. I shudder to think what would happen if we had the watermelon seed spitting fight for just 10 minutes longer. We would have been as good as gummed.”

Even though the creature hardly killed anyone, there were plenty of other close calls. One group of elderly power-walkers barely escaped; a man who really wanted to beat one more level on “Angry Birds” killed the last pig before the creature was upon him; and finally two teenage sweethearts almost died, but luckily could run away while still making out.

“We are so lucky,” stated Amy Patterson. “I kept saying ‘What was that? I thought I heard something’ and he kept saying ‘It’s nothing baby, just relax.’ But, after the 84^th time he heard it too.”

Finally the military was called in to subdue the beast.

“It was pretty easy. I mean it was literally just shooting a fish in a barrel. That thing went down hard. I mean it had fish skin. I could slap its face while walking backwards,” states General Baggort. The creature was mounted on a plaque in the general’s study.

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