Corsages, Hair Spray, and Gun Polish Sales Are At An All Time High Due to Prom Season

An Ozarks father prepares for Prom season

Springfield, MO- The Springfield economy has gotten a boost thanks to prom season. Corsages, hair spray, and gun polish sales are at a record high thanks to the teenage rite of passage. Punch, tuxedoes, limousines, and mace are also in high demand.

“It makes me so sad my little girl is growing up,” states Roger Tombs as he polishes his Tarsus PT111 9mm semi automatic pistol. “But, that is the way it goes,” the father said as he empties a clip into a photograph of the star quarter back, most of the shots straight to the groin.

While the fathers are preparing for the festivities, mothers are busy buying the perfect dress for their daughters and giving “the talk” to their sons. “The talk” of course being “if you get hit, make a tourniquet out of your cummerbund and run to a safe house.”

“I tell my daughter just to have fun, but be safe,” says another local father, cleaning his Barrett M107 military grade sniper rifle. “I trust her..I just don’t trust the scum bag boy she is taking to this dry hump-a-thon,” he said as he seamlessly put the gun together, then apart while blindfolded. Local high school students are also getting ready for prom. The girls making appointment for their hair and nails; the boys buying Kevlar vest and putting their blood type on the bottom of their dress shoes.

“Yeah, I am little nervous,” said local father of 5, Randle Greenberg. “I have 4 boys, and she is my baby girl.” Randle then took out a vintage World War 2 panzerschreck (German Bazooka) and fired it at a tuxedo clad mannequin.

“My little princess is becoming a woman,” he stated fighting back the tears. After the boost of the economy thanks to prom, many shop owners are looking forward to the graduation seasons where sales of nostalgia, cheek to cheek photographs, and a now-or-never attitude will more than likely be at an all time high.

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