Nixa Hellhound Releases Birth Certificate
FairCityNews.com | Apr 27, 2011 | Comments 0
Paul the Nixa Hellhound releases birth certificate to confirm existence
Nixa, MO—After years of speculation and conspiracy, Paul the Nixa Hellhound, released his original long-form birth certificate yesterday in an attempt to prove that he exists. No known persons had asked for the paperwork, yet it appeared online early in the day.
“Paul wants the record to be set straight regarding his existence. He is a mythical creature that prowls Christian County, he does consume cattle and is in fact a hound that originated in or near Hell, hence his unusual yet descriptive surname,” said his publicist Harry Henderson.
In an interview with news anchor Joe Daues, Paul said, “I just want to put this silliness to rrrrr-eeest.” Henderson said the long-form birth certificate will hopefully end speculation regarding the Hellhound’s certifiable existence and will force doubters to acknowledge his presence.
The document contained real doctor signatures and confirmed the birth mother and father of Paul. “Paul is the product of a demon and a dog, his mother Miss Buttons actually gave birth to him and his father Lucifer was present at the time of birth,” confirmed Henderson.
Local farmer Joel McDermittbun said, “Well, now I know I ain’t crazy. I done seen that rascal take away a monkey and an alpaca that I had tied up in my yard. Guess I can go ahead and claim that with my insurance agent.”
The Hellhound’s birth certificate was provided via a special dispensation from Hades and was stamped with an official seal of the Beast.
Filed Under: Politics
