1950’s Ad Executives, Private Investigators, and Hollywood Starlets All Decry Smoking Ban
FairCityNews.com | Apr 07, 2011 | Comments 0
Springfield, MO- According to numerous sources, many 1950’s Ad Executives, Private Investigators, and Hollywood Starlets decried the smoking ban that passed in Springfield on April 5th. The ban, starting June 5, will restrict smoking in all public buildings such as restaurants, clubs, or bars.
“I can’t believe this“, states Grant Rogers as he nervously chomps gum at his favorite diner, “First Foster Ad Inc. gets the Swanson’s TV dinner account and now I have to smack gum like some snot nosed, school yard brat, insteada takin’ a puff off my Lucky Strikes? Yeah this is a big tickle.”
Sam Gunn, ex-cop and tough-as-nails private investigator, was also displeased with the news. “What is wrong with the world today?” Gunn told FCN via inner monologue, as he stood bathed in the light of a lonely street lamp and surrounded by eerie fog. “A man can’t take a drag at his favorite club, but she can waltz in my life like a serpent into Eden, take my heart and break like a dream.”
Sam was then politely asked to put out his cigarette because it was near an outdoor playground, hospital and oxygen purification plant.
“This is crazy. It simply won’t do. Won‘t do at all,” proclaimed Vivian St. Claire, to her assistant Eve Clements. “I am a star darling, a star. I have been in pictures since you have been born and I am telling you if I can’t sit at my favorite restaurant wearing a feather boa and black gown, wildly waving my cigarette and holder around while telling outrageous stories about Paul and Cary…well I would just die darling. I would just die.”
The executives, private investigator, and starlet had started plans to remove the band, but all were distracted by the 1960’s sexual revolution. Times change.
Filed Under: Crime